What do I want?

Have you asked yourself this question lately? It’s often not an easy question. Many of us have learned to suppress our desires because of disappointments in the past. The problem is that we can't really. Desire is of the essence of human being. When we suppress our longings and desires, they tend to come back up to the surface in unintended forms. Sometimes it gets ugly too, when our suppressed desires degenerate and express themselves in all kinds of destructive behaviors.

Within each person lies a bone-deep longing for freedom, safety, hope, self-respect, and the chance to make an important contribution to family, community, and the world. To live fully, we each need ways to express this powerful, natural longing. Without healthy outlets, the desire for freedom turns into lawlessness, and the need for safety and self-respect degenerates into violence. Without avenues to make an important contribution, hopelessness translates into dependency, depression, violence, substance-abuse and other forms of self-abuse. –Claire Forest

​Besides these needs and desires we all have, there are also specific longings we each have as individuals. They arise naturally in us as we grow up and throughout our lives. And they move us, making us lean toward what we long for. We live our lives bent toward what we want, whether we know it or not. Whatever form our desires take, they are what drive our lives. So, if we want to have a clear sense of direction and purpose in life, this is where we need to start.

However, this can be a frightening prospect. Tied up with suppressed desire is the pain that made us suppress it in the first place. So, what to do? Well, we take our time. It feels unnatural to rush this anyway. Even when we try to get in touch with our deepest longings, they can be quite elusive. But somehow we need to get in touch with these parts of ourselves—with our true self—if we want to develop increasing awareness of what it is that drives our lives.

​In that process, we might also notice that some of our desires are in conflict with what we value most, and even with our well-being. So we need to discern which desires are keepers, and which are not.

​All this takes courage, of course, but here's a simple and gentle way to get us started, and it's quite doable...
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What I Want
Begin by writing a list of what you think you want. You don’t have to start writing items on it right away. You could start with just the title of your list. Perhaps call it: What I Want. Keep it handy, perhaps on a phone app, and add things to the list as they come to mind.

At first what comes to mind may just be immediate needs. But eventually we might start recognizing deeper longings. These longings may range from things that are actually accessible to us (if only we decide to attain them), to bigger dreams that are only possible in the long run.

You can also arrange the list in order of priority, with the most important ones on top. Keep coming back to the list to add or delete items, and to rearrange the items if the order of your priorities changes. Make this a long-term project, perhaps a life-long project, the list being just a window, a picture that reminds you what you live for.


So, what do you want?
We'll be coming back to the question of desire, making all sorts of connections related to it. For now, just keep in mind that this is central to human being. And start working on your list if you like that idea.

As James K. A. Smith put it:

You are what you love. And you worship what you love. And you might not love what you think. Which raises an important question. Let’s dare to ask it... What do you want?